Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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