Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
