Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
