can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
