I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
