piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
