I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
