I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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