He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
