i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
