Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
no. you can't hotbox the world.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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