I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
