He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
