three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i believe in u and ur pee
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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