There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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