i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
