i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
