She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
