heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
