I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
