He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
