i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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