question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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