Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
