Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
