I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
