So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
