from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
