i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
