I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
