Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
