sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This baby is an asshole
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
