In the future we'll all be gay
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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