wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
