i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
