Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
