i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
