It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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