This is not my ceiling
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
