how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
