dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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