I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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