if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she smelled like a LAN party
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
