Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
