Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
