it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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