Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
