Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
