wanna go halves on a baby?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
