My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
