Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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